


rotting away at the end of it all

by imustbeloyletomycapo



Category: The Sopranos
Genre: Canon-typical language, Character Study, Gen, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, references to violence, spoilers up until season 6
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-22
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-03-12 22:01:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29641311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imustbeloyletomycapo/pseuds/imustbeloyletomycapo
Summary: It fucking aches so it does. An ache in the centre of your very fucking soul, your very being. Imagine having to walk around like that all day. The fucking gunshot was less painful. It bites and it bites and it bites, until you can’t take no more. It’s always been like this, as long as he can remember.
Kudos: 1





	rotting away at the end of it all

It fucking aches so it does. An ache in the centre of your very fucking soul, your very being. Imagine having to walk around like that all day. The fucking gunshot was less painful. It bites and it bites and it bites, until you can’t take no more. It’s always been like this, as long as he can remember. It’s worse now, without the junk. At least that made it go away for a few fucking minutes. Golden fucking sleep. Warmth. Numbness. Fuck, he wouldn’t give a shit if it meant his dick never worked again. Fucking beautiful. He knew his father must have felt the same, and his mother too with the drink. Sometimes you just need something to ease the pain of fucking existing.

Adriana got it. Julianna got it. Kellie doesn’t. She’s too fucking pure and good and he doesn’t fucking deserve her. He doesn’t fucking deserve this life, with a nice house and a nice fucking car and a nice fucking wife and kid to come home to. He should be in the fucking gutter, a piece of shit like him. After everything he’s fucking done. And the worst thing is that he doesn’t care, really. Not deep down. He thinks of that Polish fuck, and the fucking sausages. He thinks of Satriales’s and the meat grinder. He hadn’t eaten there for a month afterwards just in case. He’d seen some shit. He remembered sitting in that fucking diner with Julianna, talking about shit that no made guy would never tell his fucking wife, let alone his junkie goomar. Tony would fucking put a bullet in him if he found out. Maybe he wanted him to find out. Maybe he wanted Tony to put a bullet in him. 

Tony. Tony. That fat fuck doesn’t know how fucking good he has it. Crying about how depressed he is and seeing a shrink. Madon’.The rest of the guys out fucking killing themselves so he can sit back and gorge on fucking gabagool and vinegar peppers all fucking day long. Sitting on his ass in the Bing barking orders, snapping his fingers at them like they’re his fucking dogs. Junior should have finished him off right when he had the fucking chance. Then everyone would see how useless he fucking is. Getting into pissing contests over fucking stupid shit. Doing nothing except thinking about his fucking stomach and whatever bitch is desperate enough to let him near her. Stupid motherfucker.

He couldn’t think of Tony without thinking of Ade, not since it happened. Of course he ran to Tony, he fucking had to. Ade was a fucking rat and he hadn’t seen the signs. Right under his nose. He was going to fucking marry her, that barren bitch. He fucking knew Tony thought he was in on it too. Maybe he fucking should have been. They could have disappeared and had a normal life. He could have finished his screenplay, and made it big in Hollywood. Instead she was lying in a fucking forest somewhere. He was happy when he heard it would be Silvio. At least he knew he would do it clean and respectful like. Paulie would probably try to feel her fucking tits afterwards, that disgusting piece of shit.

It was like the junk called to him sometimes. Things in his head would get too loud or too fucking quiet and he could hear it whispering to him. Just one hit. Just one. He had no fucking willpower. Julianna had got him hooked back on that shit and now he’d never be off it. He didn’t fucking want to be off it. The kid was fucking better off without him. A fucking junkie for a father. Christopher knew what that was like. He wanted to be there for Caitlyn and watch her grow up, be there when she got married, walk her down the aisle, all that shit. Not be fucking leaving her sitting by the window waiting for her daddy to come home, wishing that the fucking fairy stories people told her about him were true. His dad hadn’t gotten fucking shot, that was a cover. He was just down in Florida laying low and some day he’d call and he’d ask for his little Chrissy to come down and see him. He fucking waited at that window. His mother screaming at him, that drunken slut. Maybe if she had been there for him, in her fucking right mind, he wouldn’t have turned out this way. A fucking rotten husk of a man who only cared about one thing. Until that one thing fucking betrayed him. They all fucking betray you in the end.


End file.
